It's only occasionally these days that I fall totally flat while teaching. I did yesterday, though. My trouble yesterday was that I came armed with copious notes, but I didn't have a single coherent thesis for my class. Without that organizing principle for everything else, the information I was trying to convey was totally incomprehensible. Things that students should have been able to remember from the past were beyond the grasp of their memories, and that made it harder for me, I admit. However, the value of a good thesis is that it help pull back memories by giving them something to latch onto.
Remember this, teachers: have a THESIS for your class lectures. Otherwise, you will just be rambling, and no one will want to listen to you.
Tuesday, November 13, 2007
Wednesday, November 7, 2007
The Virtue of a Garden
My excellent father, Dr. Deacon, has reminded me that I left off an important environmental tip. You should plant a garden! I cannot believe I forgot this one. The early frost this year has killed all my potted plants, and destroyed my contribution to saving the environment, alas, but a garden would have survived. Heck, if I had planted a garden, there probably wouldn't have been an early frost this year. It's my fault that the world is warming so much that a frost came two weeks before normal to the Deep South. I am sorry.
About that garden... To save the world, we should plant gardens and stop buying vegetables from the supermarket. They are grown on large plantations tended by wage-slaves called illegals. That's right. I hate illegal aliens. They are the biggest cause of global warming. (Editor, remember to take that out later. It doesn't fit the narrative my masters want me to tell.) These plantation vegetables require twenty times the water that your home garden will use, and take water away from the environmentally necessary ethanol poduction we so despearately need. Garden vegetables do not require much chemical treatment, such as bug killers and fungi killers, as they are not seriously affected by mealy bugs or potato bugs or aphids or locusts or cut-worms or visiting turtles and dogs and deer. And the deer that do come can be shot and surreptitiously hidden in the freezer for later consumption to cut down the cost of meat from the butcher, which itself has been grown in cow and pig gulags where the slaves are killed hoorrribly by knocking on the head. And worse is yet to come! They are then skinned all bloody and diwsmembered and cut to bits and finally, eaten by savages. Think responsibly! Your garden could prevent this genocide.
Also, a garden is a good way to teach your children responsibility and ambition, as they work for hours weeding and digging and carrying water to the dear little plants. Then they learn the virtues of eating vegetables like broccoli and turnips and beets and carrots --if they have not been checking the growth of the carrots daily by pulling them up to see how big they have grown -- and also home-grown tomatoes, green and fried if possible , and even sorghum, which of course you grew up thinking it sugar cane, because evil corporations lied to you and said that the tall sweet grass growing in America was sugar cane. This is proof that they hate the environment, and are more evil than Halliburton. Heck, they probably ARE Halliburton. And that sugar you buy at the store would never be as good as the real thing sucked from a cane from your own garden, would it?
And what of the opportunities to teachlove and forgiveness as one of the children hits the other on the head with the shovel? or you hit him in return? Christians should all be planting gardens!
The possibilites for gardening and increased environmental awareness are limitless. Thank you, thank you, Dr. Deacon, for teaching me this lesson on Earth-saving! Can people still send me money, though? I think they should...
About that garden... To save the world, we should plant gardens and stop buying vegetables from the supermarket. They are grown on large plantations tended by wage-slaves called illegals. That's right. I hate illegal aliens. They are the biggest cause of global warming. (Editor, remember to take that out later. It doesn't fit the narrative my masters want me to tell.) These plantation vegetables require twenty times the water that your home garden will use, and take water away from the environmentally necessary ethanol poduction we so despearately need. Garden vegetables do not require much chemical treatment, such as bug killers and fungi killers, as they are not seriously affected by mealy bugs or potato bugs or aphids or locusts or cut-worms or visiting turtles and dogs and deer. And the deer that do come can be shot and surreptitiously hidden in the freezer for later consumption to cut down the cost of meat from the butcher, which itself has been grown in cow and pig gulags where the slaves are killed hoorrribly by knocking on the head. And worse is yet to come! They are then skinned all bloody and diwsmembered and cut to bits and finally, eaten by savages. Think responsibly! Your garden could prevent this genocide.
Also, a garden is a good way to teach your children responsibility and ambition, as they work for hours weeding and digging and carrying water to the dear little plants. Then they learn the virtues of eating vegetables like broccoli and turnips and beets and carrots --if they have not been checking the growth of the carrots daily by pulling them up to see how big they have grown -- and also home-grown tomatoes, green and fried if possible , and even sorghum, which of course you grew up thinking it sugar cane, because evil corporations lied to you and said that the tall sweet grass growing in America was sugar cane. This is proof that they hate the environment, and are more evil than Halliburton. Heck, they probably ARE Halliburton. And that sugar you buy at the store would never be as good as the real thing sucked from a cane from your own garden, would it?
And what of the opportunities to teachlove and forgiveness as one of the children hits the other on the head with the shovel? or you hit him in return? Christians should all be planting gardens!
The possibilites for gardening and increased environmental awareness are limitless. Thank you, thank you, Dr. Deacon, for teaching me this lesson on Earth-saving! Can people still send me money, though? I think they should...
Monday, November 5, 2007
Cashing in on the Green Movement
I was thinking to myself about all the ways that people should be paying me so that they can be more environmentally conscious. That's right: I am more morally worthy than anyone else, and therefore I should be paid for it. I heard some person from TV telling me the same thing about herself, and in America we are all equal. Therefore, if she is more morally worthy, then I must be more morally worthy too!
But your head will hurt if you think too much about that logic. So don't think. Send me money instead.
For every $100 you send me, I will go plant a tree, and will name it after you. I will let you choose whether the tree I have named after you will be a walnut, a pecan, a maple, an alder, an oak, or a pine tree. Then you will feel very good about yourself, and your tree will grow happily. And the world will be a clean and bright place because of your tree. Upon request, I will send you a picture of your tree, provided you pay a nominal photo fee of $10.
And... to encourage you to remain committed to the environment, after twenty years, I will chop down your tree and sell it to the local lumber company here, unless you pay me another $100. If you pay me that fee, I will let your tree continue to be happy and to save the world as the air grows clean and pure near this tree. Heck, if you pay me $150, not only will I spare your tree, but I will plant a second one and name it after you.
Just remember though, if you aren't committed to the environment, a tree will die. And it will curse your name as it comes crashing to the ground. And YOU will be responsible for the pollution your tree causes in its death agony.
So send me money now, and we will get to saving the world right away!
Warmest regards,
Dr Urchin
Professional Environmentalist Entrepreneur
But your head will hurt if you think too much about that logic. So don't think. Send me money instead.
For every $100 you send me, I will go plant a tree, and will name it after you. I will let you choose whether the tree I have named after you will be a walnut, a pecan, a maple, an alder, an oak, or a pine tree. Then you will feel very good about yourself, and your tree will grow happily. And the world will be a clean and bright place because of your tree. Upon request, I will send you a picture of your tree, provided you pay a nominal photo fee of $10.
And... to encourage you to remain committed to the environment, after twenty years, I will chop down your tree and sell it to the local lumber company here, unless you pay me another $100. If you pay me that fee, I will let your tree continue to be happy and to save the world as the air grows clean and pure near this tree. Heck, if you pay me $150, not only will I spare your tree, but I will plant a second one and name it after you.
Just remember though, if you aren't committed to the environment, a tree will die. And it will curse your name as it comes crashing to the ground. And YOU will be responsible for the pollution your tree causes in its death agony.
So send me money now, and we will get to saving the world right away!
Warmest regards,
Dr Urchin
Professional Environmentalist Entrepreneur
Monday, October 22, 2007
Vatican wants to talk to Islam...
...about why it's illegal to be Christian in their countries, why Christians are subjected to such violent repression, why they can't build churches, and why the Islamic world wants to be at war with everyone else.
At long last! A productive conversation! You have to admit: the pope has guts.
:)
At long last! A productive conversation! You have to admit: the pope has guts.
:)
Friday, August 24, 2007
Environmentally Friendly Back-to-School Tips
Recently, the World Wildlife Fund offered their suggestions on how to save the Earth while going back to school. This is what they had to say:
*******
As kids and parents make back-to-school lists, they might want to get educated on some environmentally friendly ways to prepare for fall classes. Here are 10 tips the World Wildlife Fund offers to help keep backpacks green:
1) See if there are things, such as pencils and pens, left over from last year that can be used this fall.
2) Look for school supplies—folders, notebooks, staples—made of recycled materials. Using recycled products helps save landfill space and cut pollution. The EPA has found that recycling reduces water pollution by one-third and air pollution by 75 percent.
3) Try finding back-to-school deals on the Web. Ordering school supplies online or by phone saves you a trip to the store as well as the fuel needed to drive from store to store.
4) Look for the FSC label on pencils and paper. Many paper products are made from trees specifically grown and harvested for papermaking, thus sparing delicate rainforest ecosystems. The Forest Stewardship Council certifies that wood and paper products are grown and managed responsibly.
5) Purchase supplies with minimal packaging. Packaging makes up about a third of the garbage that piles up in landfills. Also, less processing and packaging means less energy goes into production, and less global warming pollution is created.
6) Brown bag meals and avoid plastic. Pack school lunches in brown, unbleached, recycled paper bags whenever possible. And if your child has a favorite superhero, there's a good chance the character is printed on a re-usable lunchbox.
7) Prepare lunches using local produce. Be aware of the distances food travels and the emissions necessary to ship and truck it there. Although broccoli is grown at nearby farms, the ones that shoppers pick up at the supermarket traverse an average distance of 1,800 miles.
8) Refill water bottles. Don't throw them away. One and a half million tons of plastic are used to bottle water every year. Such large-scale manufacturing and disposal of water bottles can release toxic chemicals into the environment.
9) Look for laptops made by companies working to reduce their global emissions. The ENERGY STAR sticker is a good tip-off that a product is compliant with EPA guidelines. Some backpacks even have built-in solar panels to provide an eco-friendly way to power laptops. Also, turn off your computer and monitor when not in use.
10) Walk or bike to school, not only to get exercise but also to benefit the environment. By burning calories walking, you and your child don’t burn a vehicle's gasoline and thus do your part to help reduce global warming. Surely, the PE instructor will approve.
http://www.livescience.com/environment/070821_green_school.html
********
I think that the above list is stupid. I LIKE the environment, and LIKE my air and water to be clean. I don't think that any of the things the WWF is recommending will do anything to improve the world. So allow me to post my own ten point list:
Dr. Urchin's Environmentally Friendly Tips for Going Back to School
1) Plant flowers in pots and in garden rows around your house. They look pretty and will make useful school projects later in the year.
2) Organize your fellow students to go clean up the neighborhood park. It's in YOUR neighborhood, and if you don't help clean it, nobody will.
3) If you have a few gallons of water contaminated with lead, zinc, copper, molybdenum, or other toxic metals, don't dump it in the local stream or pond.
4) Get your dad to help you develop in your garage a way to make biodiesel fuel cheaply out of grass clippings. It may not HELP the air quality if people use this stuff, but it won't hurt, all that grass is currently going to waste, and you are probably going to be very very rich if this works. If it doesn't it still will make a really good school project.
5) Get your classmates and a teacher to help you make a water garden at the pool. It's useful for biology class, looks pretty, and will be fun at the end of the year when you push fellow students into the water, then dance around in the pool yourself. Oh, and it will take some carbon dioxide out of the atmosphere, too. I forgot to mention that part.
6) Use pencils rather than pens, except when writing in a science lab notebook. Pencils can be erased; pens can't. Pens require white-out, which is more expensive than a rubber eraser. I'm not sure how this helps the environment, but I'm sure I could justify it if I tried. Maybe by pointing out the volatile chemicals in white out? My real reason is that you can work faster with a pencil, and teachers will find it easier to grade.
7) Do your fricking homework. You are a useless lump of human waste if you just sit there picking your nose all day. I'm sure that doing your homework can help save the environment, too. But you won't know how it helps, unless you do that homework, will you?
8 ) Go volunteer with someone in your community. If you are a high school student, then there are elementary school students who really need some tutoring learning how to read. Your city probably has things like "farmer's markets" or something like that, where they just need someone to set up and take down the event aftewards, or tell people where to go. Why aren't you helping out, if you care so much about saving the world?
9) Don't sell or take drugs. You are a useless lump of human waste if you do, just like in item #7. And whacked out druggies never save the world. If you had been studying your history rather than snorting coke, you would know that there isn't one single example of a great drug user who also has made a real difference. Instead, they go to rallies to save the environment, shout and scream, and take some drugs while there. And nothing happens.
10) Get a fricking job. People can only save the world when they have money to do so, and nobody has money if they don't work, contrary to what Paris Hilton might think.
I think my advice is more useful to the world than the WWF's advice. Certainly, my suggestions will do more to help your environment locally. And you know what? That's really the only one you can affect, and therefore the only one that matters. Love the nearest, not the furthest.
*******
As kids and parents make back-to-school lists, they might want to get educated on some environmentally friendly ways to prepare for fall classes. Here are 10 tips the World Wildlife Fund offers to help keep backpacks green:
1) See if there are things, such as pencils and pens, left over from last year that can be used this fall.
2) Look for school supplies—folders, notebooks, staples—made of recycled materials. Using recycled products helps save landfill space and cut pollution. The EPA has found that recycling reduces water pollution by one-third and air pollution by 75 percent.
3) Try finding back-to-school deals on the Web. Ordering school supplies online or by phone saves you a trip to the store as well as the fuel needed to drive from store to store.
4) Look for the FSC label on pencils and paper. Many paper products are made from trees specifically grown and harvested for papermaking, thus sparing delicate rainforest ecosystems. The Forest Stewardship Council certifies that wood and paper products are grown and managed responsibly.
5) Purchase supplies with minimal packaging. Packaging makes up about a third of the garbage that piles up in landfills. Also, less processing and packaging means less energy goes into production, and less global warming pollution is created.
6) Brown bag meals and avoid plastic. Pack school lunches in brown, unbleached, recycled paper bags whenever possible. And if your child has a favorite superhero, there's a good chance the character is printed on a re-usable lunchbox.
7) Prepare lunches using local produce. Be aware of the distances food travels and the emissions necessary to ship and truck it there. Although broccoli is grown at nearby farms, the ones that shoppers pick up at the supermarket traverse an average distance of 1,800 miles.
8) Refill water bottles. Don't throw them away. One and a half million tons of plastic are used to bottle water every year. Such large-scale manufacturing and disposal of water bottles can release toxic chemicals into the environment.
9) Look for laptops made by companies working to reduce their global emissions. The ENERGY STAR sticker is a good tip-off that a product is compliant with EPA guidelines. Some backpacks even have built-in solar panels to provide an eco-friendly way to power laptops. Also, turn off your computer and monitor when not in use.
10) Walk or bike to school, not only to get exercise but also to benefit the environment. By burning calories walking, you and your child don’t burn a vehicle's gasoline and thus do your part to help reduce global warming. Surely, the PE instructor will approve.
http://www.livescience.com/environment/070821_green_school.html
********
I think that the above list is stupid. I LIKE the environment, and LIKE my air and water to be clean. I don't think that any of the things the WWF is recommending will do anything to improve the world. So allow me to post my own ten point list:
Dr. Urchin's Environmentally Friendly Tips for Going Back to School
1) Plant flowers in pots and in garden rows around your house. They look pretty and will make useful school projects later in the year.
2) Organize your fellow students to go clean up the neighborhood park. It's in YOUR neighborhood, and if you don't help clean it, nobody will.
3) If you have a few gallons of water contaminated with lead, zinc, copper, molybdenum, or other toxic metals, don't dump it in the local stream or pond.
4) Get your dad to help you develop in your garage a way to make biodiesel fuel cheaply out of grass clippings. It may not HELP the air quality if people use this stuff, but it won't hurt, all that grass is currently going to waste, and you are probably going to be very very rich if this works. If it doesn't it still will make a really good school project.
5) Get your classmates and a teacher to help you make a water garden at the pool. It's useful for biology class, looks pretty, and will be fun at the end of the year when you push fellow students into the water, then dance around in the pool yourself. Oh, and it will take some carbon dioxide out of the atmosphere, too. I forgot to mention that part.
6) Use pencils rather than pens, except when writing in a science lab notebook. Pencils can be erased; pens can't. Pens require white-out, which is more expensive than a rubber eraser. I'm not sure how this helps the environment, but I'm sure I could justify it if I tried. Maybe by pointing out the volatile chemicals in white out? My real reason is that you can work faster with a pencil, and teachers will find it easier to grade.
7) Do your fricking homework. You are a useless lump of human waste if you just sit there picking your nose all day. I'm sure that doing your homework can help save the environment, too. But you won't know how it helps, unless you do that homework, will you?
8 ) Go volunteer with someone in your community. If you are a high school student, then there are elementary school students who really need some tutoring learning how to read. Your city probably has things like "farmer's markets" or something like that, where they just need someone to set up and take down the event aftewards, or tell people where to go. Why aren't you helping out, if you care so much about saving the world?
9) Don't sell or take drugs. You are a useless lump of human waste if you do, just like in item #7. And whacked out druggies never save the world. If you had been studying your history rather than snorting coke, you would know that there isn't one single example of a great drug user who also has made a real difference. Instead, they go to rallies to save the environment, shout and scream, and take some drugs while there. And nothing happens.
10) Get a fricking job. People can only save the world when they have money to do so, and nobody has money if they don't work, contrary to what Paris Hilton might think.
I think my advice is more useful to the world than the WWF's advice. Certainly, my suggestions will do more to help your environment locally. And you know what? That's really the only one you can affect, and therefore the only one that matters. Love the nearest, not the furthest.
Monday, July 2, 2007
Colony Collapse Disorder Hysteria
Heard about this? It's been trumpeted everywhere that the honeybees are disappearing, and that mass starvation is going to be the result. Here is what wikipedia has to say, and they are fairly typical.
The phenomenon is particularly important for crops such as almond growing in California, where honey bees are the predominant pollinator and the crop value in 2006 was US$1.5 billion. In 2000, the total U.S. crop value that was wholly dependent on honey bee pollination was estimated to exceed US$15 billion.[73]
Honey bees are not native to the Americas, therefore their necessity as pollinators in the US is limited to strictly agricultural/ornamental uses, as no native plants require honey bee pollination, except where concentrated in monoculture situations—where the pollination need is so great at bloom time that pollinators must be concentrated beyond the capacity of native bees (with current technology).
They are responsible for pollination of approximately one third of the United States' crop species, including such species as: almonds, peaches, soybeans, apples, pears, cherries, raspberries, blackberries, cranberries, watermelons, cantaloupes, cucumbers and strawberries. Many but not all of these plants can be (and often are) pollinated by other insects in small holdings in the U.S., including other kinds of bees, but typically not on a commercial scale. While some farmers of a few kinds of native crops do bring in honey bees to help pollinate, none specifically need them, and when honey bees are absent from a region, there is a presumption that native pollinators may reclaim the niche, typically being better adapted to serve those plants (assuming that the plants normally occur in that specific area).
However, even though on a per-individual basis, many other species are actually more efficient at pollinating, on the 30% of crop types where honey bees are used, most native pollinators cannot be mass-utilized as easily or as effectively as honey bees—in many instances they will not visit the plants at all. Beehives can be moved from crop to crop as needed, and the bees will visit many plants in large numbers, compensating via sheer numbers for what they lack in efficiency. The commercial viability of these crops is therefore strongly tied to the beekeeping industry.
But while on vacation these past couple of weeks, I was in a field of flowers and noticed an awful lot of bumblebees. Not true bees, of course. They are actually hornets. But that is quite irrelevant to the matter at hand. I noticed that there were many more bumblebees than last year, in a place which had been hit by "colony collapse disorder."
That is when the thought hit me: this whole issue is a lie, and a scare tactic. It happens all the time, one animal being able to outcompete another. The hornets are moving in where the honeybees are not doing their jobs.
In fact, I even realized that the next thing that will be sold to fruit farmers will be colonies of hornets. Sure they are less valuable than honeybees - because they don't make honey, you see - but they pollinate every bit as aggressively. And the hornets are there, and not suffering from colony collapse. They can and will pollinate the fruit trees, and can be a replacement for honeybees. Fruit crops are not going to be lost after all.
Of course, I LIKE honey, so I hope the bees recover soon. In the meantime, who stands to gain from the scaremongering?
The phenomenon is particularly important for crops such as almond growing in California, where honey bees are the predominant pollinator and the crop value in 2006 was US$1.5 billion. In 2000, the total U.S. crop value that was wholly dependent on honey bee pollination was estimated to exceed US$15 billion.[73]
Honey bees are not native to the Americas, therefore their necessity as pollinators in the US is limited to strictly agricultural/ornamental uses, as no native plants require honey bee pollination, except where concentrated in monoculture situations—where the pollination need is so great at bloom time that pollinators must be concentrated beyond the capacity of native bees (with current technology).
They are responsible for pollination of approximately one third of the United States' crop species, including such species as: almonds, peaches, soybeans, apples, pears, cherries, raspberries, blackberries, cranberries, watermelons, cantaloupes, cucumbers and strawberries. Many but not all of these plants can be (and often are) pollinated by other insects in small holdings in the U.S., including other kinds of bees, but typically not on a commercial scale. While some farmers of a few kinds of native crops do bring in honey bees to help pollinate, none specifically need them, and when honey bees are absent from a region, there is a presumption that native pollinators may reclaim the niche, typically being better adapted to serve those plants (assuming that the plants normally occur in that specific area).
However, even though on a per-individual basis, many other species are actually more efficient at pollinating, on the 30% of crop types where honey bees are used, most native pollinators cannot be mass-utilized as easily or as effectively as honey bees—in many instances they will not visit the plants at all. Beehives can be moved from crop to crop as needed, and the bees will visit many plants in large numbers, compensating via sheer numbers for what they lack in efficiency. The commercial viability of these crops is therefore strongly tied to the beekeeping industry.
But while on vacation these past couple of weeks, I was in a field of flowers and noticed an awful lot of bumblebees. Not true bees, of course. They are actually hornets. But that is quite irrelevant to the matter at hand. I noticed that there were many more bumblebees than last year, in a place which had been hit by "colony collapse disorder."
That is when the thought hit me: this whole issue is a lie, and a scare tactic. It happens all the time, one animal being able to outcompete another. The hornets are moving in where the honeybees are not doing their jobs.
In fact, I even realized that the next thing that will be sold to fruit farmers will be colonies of hornets. Sure they are less valuable than honeybees - because they don't make honey, you see - but they pollinate every bit as aggressively. And the hornets are there, and not suffering from colony collapse. They can and will pollinate the fruit trees, and can be a replacement for honeybees. Fruit crops are not going to be lost after all.
Of course, I LIKE honey, so I hope the bees recover soon. In the meantime, who stands to gain from the scaremongering?
Tuesday, June 19, 2007
Travels - Strange Sights
I started on a long trip out of Louisiana the other day. I'm heading up to my parents' fortieth wedding anniversary. Marriages work when the married couple WORKS AT THE MARRIAGE, or so I am led to understand.
When I started my drive, I was interested to note the hazards one meets on the road. You expect bad drivers, possibly deer running out in front of you, and I have even encountered flocks of wild pigs and a lone cow standing in the road. But the first hazard I almost but didn't quite run into was the cranes. Not construction ones; large white birds, possibly of endangered species. They were feeding in many places beside the road, and often as you drove past they would take flight. Some of the stupid ones would fly in front of your car. These aren't like little sparrows that might get stuck in your radiator grill, but do no worse damage. These birds are five feet tall, with equally huge wingspans.
Passing into Arkansas, the flights of cranes stopped, but heavy rains began. I understand those same storms have since caused tremendous trouble in Texas and Oklahoma, as well as Arkansas. I slowed down quite a bit, since I was not keen to hit a semi, and couldn't really see more than fifty feet in front of me. The rain continued through Little Rock, and along the highway towards Memphis. It wasn't until I turned north just before Memphis that driving conditions began to worsen a bit.
Along this road, I saw what I first thought were towers of clouds, but there were many of them and all along the horizon. When I got closer, I found that they were actually burning fields. A prarie fire? That is what I thought at first. The flames were lapping up, and smoke was all across the highway. I prayed for rain to put out the fires. However, shortly thereafter, I began to wonder if these were deliberate fires. I passed fields which had been burned to the treeline, but the trees were untouched. That sort of thing suggests a controlled burn. Why were they burning the fields. Contrary to what people in New York say, the folks who live in Arkansas are not stupid. There is a reason to burn your fields, but I haven't any idea what. I'll go read up on it to find out. In the meantime, beware of smoke on the highway in eastern Arkansas and southeastern Missouri...
When I started my drive, I was interested to note the hazards one meets on the road. You expect bad drivers, possibly deer running out in front of you, and I have even encountered flocks of wild pigs and a lone cow standing in the road. But the first hazard I almost but didn't quite run into was the cranes. Not construction ones; large white birds, possibly of endangered species. They were feeding in many places beside the road, and often as you drove past they would take flight. Some of the stupid ones would fly in front of your car. These aren't like little sparrows that might get stuck in your radiator grill, but do no worse damage. These birds are five feet tall, with equally huge wingspans.
Passing into Arkansas, the flights of cranes stopped, but heavy rains began. I understand those same storms have since caused tremendous trouble in Texas and Oklahoma, as well as Arkansas. I slowed down quite a bit, since I was not keen to hit a semi, and couldn't really see more than fifty feet in front of me. The rain continued through Little Rock, and along the highway towards Memphis. It wasn't until I turned north just before Memphis that driving conditions began to worsen a bit.
Along this road, I saw what I first thought were towers of clouds, but there were many of them and all along the horizon. When I got closer, I found that they were actually burning fields. A prarie fire? That is what I thought at first. The flames were lapping up, and smoke was all across the highway. I prayed for rain to put out the fires. However, shortly thereafter, I began to wonder if these were deliberate fires. I passed fields which had been burned to the treeline, but the trees were untouched. That sort of thing suggests a controlled burn. Why were they burning the fields. Contrary to what people in New York say, the folks who live in Arkansas are not stupid. There is a reason to burn your fields, but I haven't any idea what. I'll go read up on it to find out. In the meantime, beware of smoke on the highway in eastern Arkansas and southeastern Missouri...
Saturday, June 9, 2007
The Conrad Black Trial
If you haven't been following this trial, in some ways it is more interesting that Paris Hilton's jailbird escapades, and certainly it is a great deal more relevant to you.
This is what Prosecutor Patrick Fitzgerald (remember him from the Scooter Libby investigation?) has been doing to fill his free time. The case involves Conrad Black, a member of the House of Lords in England, a Canadian citizen and resident, and one of the biggest media barons in the world. Through one of his companies, Hollinger International, he sold off some newspapers to other buyers, and Hollinger made a profit of $3 billion dollars. For this, Black was given a bonus of almost $60 million dollars. The shareholders saw their stock value increase, which makes this not exactly an Enron case. The other thing that makes it not Enron is the lack of any actual crime that was committed, as discussed in the next paragraph.
Fitzgerald's office seems to object to a group of "non-compete" agreements, i.e. that the person selling the newspaper will not then open a rival newspaper in the same market as the one they just sold. This is standard practice, and happens for obvious reasons that are fairly obvious. If the seller could open a new paper, it would push the value of what they just sold down to zero, bankrupt the person who had bought that paper, and the seller could snap it back up at a fraction of its value. Remember that if you are thinking of purchasing a newspaper or a magazine franchise from someone: always get a non-compete agreement.
In America, you pay taxes on non-competes, because that's the way our tax law is written. In Canada, you don't pay taxes on them. In fact, it's one of the shockingly few things in Canada that isn't taxed. Black, being a Canadian citizen who lives in Canada, pays his taxes according to Canadian law. Shocking concept, isn't it? But Fitzgerald seems to object to that, and wants to send him away to jail for 101 years, not for tax evasion (there would be no hope of securing that conviction) but for defrauding the Hollinger for $60 million. Fitzgerald is saying that these non-compete agreements are illegal, and cost the company money.
I have trouble following how you can cost a company money when you have made the company a profit of $3 billion dollars. Indeed, if anyone wishes to make me a profit of $3 billion dollars, I shall be happy to award them a $60 million dollar bonus, which is what Hollinger did. But perhaps my naive view of the way business works is why I am not a federal prosecutor.
Also, it's hard to say that one defrauds a company when its entire board of directors, the audit committee within the company, and the shareholder's vote all agreed to the sale and the bonuses awarded. That's one heck of a large conspiracy going on there. And now that I think of it, I could have accessed the publicly disclosed records, since I have a computer and access to the internet. I must be part of the conspiracy too!
There was never anything illegal committed, as far as I can tell. Shouldn't a crime have been committed before the government decides to prosecute? Mike Nifong decided to prosecute the Duke Lacrosse team without waiting for them to commit a crime, and people thought it wrong. Well it is wrong. If there is no crime, then prosecution becomes government oppression.
Another odd thing about this case is that it is in the Federal District of Northern Illinois. So they are prosecuting a Canadian citizen over something involving Canadian tax laws. Don't get me wrong: I would love to absorb Canada into the United States lock, stock, and barrel, and make that country work the way it ought to. That's the imperialist in me talking. But to the best of my knowledge, Canada is not yet part of the Union. So why is Fitzgerald claiming sovereignty over our northern neighbor? It makes no sense to me.
If the prosecution wins this case, the precedent it sets is this: you will be prosecuted if the government dislikes you, quite independently of whether you have committed a crime. That would be an alarming thing to have happen in the home of the Free.
My thanks to Mark Steyn for getting me interested in this case.
This is what Prosecutor Patrick Fitzgerald (remember him from the Scooter Libby investigation?) has been doing to fill his free time. The case involves Conrad Black, a member of the House of Lords in England, a Canadian citizen and resident, and one of the biggest media barons in the world. Through one of his companies, Hollinger International, he sold off some newspapers to other buyers, and Hollinger made a profit of $3 billion dollars. For this, Black was given a bonus of almost $60 million dollars. The shareholders saw their stock value increase, which makes this not exactly an Enron case. The other thing that makes it not Enron is the lack of any actual crime that was committed, as discussed in the next paragraph.
Fitzgerald's office seems to object to a group of "non-compete" agreements, i.e. that the person selling the newspaper will not then open a rival newspaper in the same market as the one they just sold. This is standard practice, and happens for obvious reasons that are fairly obvious. If the seller could open a new paper, it would push the value of what they just sold down to zero, bankrupt the person who had bought that paper, and the seller could snap it back up at a fraction of its value. Remember that if you are thinking of purchasing a newspaper or a magazine franchise from someone: always get a non-compete agreement.
In America, you pay taxes on non-competes, because that's the way our tax law is written. In Canada, you don't pay taxes on them. In fact, it's one of the shockingly few things in Canada that isn't taxed. Black, being a Canadian citizen who lives in Canada, pays his taxes according to Canadian law. Shocking concept, isn't it? But Fitzgerald seems to object to that, and wants to send him away to jail for 101 years, not for tax evasion (there would be no hope of securing that conviction) but for defrauding the Hollinger for $60 million. Fitzgerald is saying that these non-compete agreements are illegal, and cost the company money.
I have trouble following how you can cost a company money when you have made the company a profit of $3 billion dollars. Indeed, if anyone wishes to make me a profit of $3 billion dollars, I shall be happy to award them a $60 million dollar bonus, which is what Hollinger did. But perhaps my naive view of the way business works is why I am not a federal prosecutor.
Also, it's hard to say that one defrauds a company when its entire board of directors, the audit committee within the company, and the shareholder's vote all agreed to the sale and the bonuses awarded. That's one heck of a large conspiracy going on there. And now that I think of it, I could have accessed the publicly disclosed records, since I have a computer and access to the internet. I must be part of the conspiracy too!
There was never anything illegal committed, as far as I can tell. Shouldn't a crime have been committed before the government decides to prosecute? Mike Nifong decided to prosecute the Duke Lacrosse team without waiting for them to commit a crime, and people thought it wrong. Well it is wrong. If there is no crime, then prosecution becomes government oppression.
Another odd thing about this case is that it is in the Federal District of Northern Illinois. So they are prosecuting a Canadian citizen over something involving Canadian tax laws. Don't get me wrong: I would love to absorb Canada into the United States lock, stock, and barrel, and make that country work the way it ought to. That's the imperialist in me talking. But to the best of my knowledge, Canada is not yet part of the Union. So why is Fitzgerald claiming sovereignty over our northern neighbor? It makes no sense to me.
If the prosecution wins this case, the precedent it sets is this: you will be prosecuted if the government dislikes you, quite independently of whether you have committed a crime. That would be an alarming thing to have happen in the home of the Free.
My thanks to Mark Steyn for getting me interested in this case.
Friday, June 8, 2007
I've decided that I like Fred Thompson for president. I had been thinking that nobody in the race matched me closely enough that I could in clear conscience vote for them. But Fred Thompson will do just fine, if he means the things he is saying.
People should get involved in politics. Their country, states, and cities are important to them (even if they don't know it, yet!), and they should follow politics. Eventually, a lot more people should put their hats into the ring than do. I may run for city council or school board some day. I think I could do some good there.
People should get involved in politics. Their country, states, and cities are important to them (even if they don't know it, yet!), and they should follow politics. Eventually, a lot more people should put their hats into the ring than do. I may run for city council or school board some day. I think I could do some good there.
Thursday, June 7, 2007
Random things
First of all, I hate people that cheat at cards, chess (yes, it can be done), checkers, or any other game. It's stupid and petty of them, and makes me think very low of them.
Second, I hate it when the same people afterwards, to whom I am possibly trying to be gracious, try and guilt me into doing social functions you don't want to do. Not only do I not think I owe them anything, I am particularly disinclined to do anything nice even out of a sense of generosity.
Hmph.
Second, I hate it when the same people afterwards, to whom I am possibly trying to be gracious, try and guilt me into doing social functions you don't want to do. Not only do I not think I owe them anything, I am particularly disinclined to do anything nice even out of a sense of generosity.
Hmph.
Monday, May 28, 2007
The Adventures of Dr Urchin, part II
The Adventures of Dr. Urchin, part II, or "How People Whose Names Are Not In the Phone Book Don't Get Located"
Saturday night, smoofie in hand and dog on leash, I went walking down 33rd street, going west. (A smoofie is a delicious combination of espresso and frozen yogurt, served only at Vintage Coffee, 940 NW 150th street, Oklahoma City, Oklahoma. The gentleman "Alan" whom I refer to owns this shop.) It was that time of twilight that I particularly love, when the sun is going down, storm clouds are rolling in, and night creatures are just deciding to wake up. Several people honked and waved at me on the road. Were they mistaking me for some acquaintance of theirs? Was is someone who actually knew me, honking to say hello? Or did they just think my dog was incredibly beautiful, and were saying hello to the dog? She is, by the way. No matter what their motives were, I smiled and waved back. Having walked as far as some elementary school, I threw away my empty smoofie cup in the trash, and started walking back to where I had left my car. I greeted the friendly guys working at Vintage coffee as they were closing up, put my dog in the back seat, and went driving back to my hotel. By the way, those guys really are fantastic, Alan. I'll bet everybody wishes they could get cheerful and competent help like that!
I had brought an altogether new book along with me, so I read myself to sleep, falling asleep quite early for me - 10:30 or thereabouts. Strange, unpleasant dreams, but we will refrain from recounting them here. It was nonetheless a very good night's rest.
The next day, after doing a few morning things, the sort of things one does on a Sunday morning, it now being 10 o' clock, I went to look for a place with long trails to walk. There is a large lake near Norman, with a convenient state park there. Perhaps it was raining just a little bit, but I didn't let that hold me back, nor did my hound let it hold her back. We went up and down the trails. I decided that she was a useless tracker, when she couldn't even find the two foot long snake a mere foot in front of her. Good thing it wasn't poisonous, or it would have bitten her when she sat on it. Eventually, I got bored of trails, and cut through the bracken to go deeper into the forest. Mind you, I was armed with lots of mosquito repellent, so they came all about me, but not one of them bit me. We found lots of pretty jelly fungi in the forest, an inquisitive squirrel, and an enterprising box turtle (a tortoise, actually) who refused to accept the fact that he was on somebody's endangered species list. My dog introduced herself to the tortoise by sticking her nose under its shell and flipping it over. I doubt the tortoise liked us very much, so I turned it over again, apologized to it, and took my dog away from there. Sitting on a stone picnic table, looking at the lake, a bluebird landed next to me, and took the food I offered. Remarkably tame bird, I thought. I hadn't even known that bluebirds lived in Oklahoma until yesterday!
Being covered with mud and somewhat cold, I drove way back to the north side of the city, bathed, went swimming, and combed the burrs out of my dog.
At that moment, I was struck by a bright idea: I had missed people the day before, but perhaps I could invite them out to dinner on Sunday night. The worst that could happen would be that everyone would decline! So I rousted out a phone book from my room, a somewhat old and tattered phone book. My first difficulty lay in the fact that there is neither a "Meems" nor a "Teffertoes" anywhere in the Greater Oklahoma City Metropolitan Area Phonebook. That part didn't surprise me very much, but fortunately, I happen to know both lovely young ladies' real names, in full. So I went looking for those. That's where the surprising snag was. According the the GOCMAPbook, they don't exist under their real names, either. That struck me as incredibly unjust. I will admit, sitting here now, in comfort and at leisure to consider the matter fully, the book was somewhat old, and probably was printed back in the days when neither of them lived in OKC. But my hypothesis at the time was, "deliberately choose to be unlisted; how unlucky for me." I saw no solution to it, so I threw up my hands. Having some time to kill, I had taken my dog to Oklahoma Christian U, just because they had a nice fountain that I had seen, and I wanted a place to read in peace. So, I read my book for a few more hours until dinner time, then went out hunting for a nice place to eat. The waiter looked really tired, told me he had been on shift for ten hours, and that lots of people were being awful. I told him he was doing a fine job, and should be commended for restraining his temper. Overall, I had a very good meal. Italian. I love Italian food.
I went to bed again, planning to be up very early and at the coffee shop for a few hours, just in case anyone else goes out for an early cup of coffee. It seemed unlikely, but more likely to meet someone I knew at Vintage Coffee than anywhere else, no? Anyways, if I didn't mention it before, the coffee is REALLY good there, and I like good coffee. I spoke to Alan's wife, whom I thought a very pleasant lady. She and the two people working the bar were making everyone who came in feel welcome. I penned off a couple of important letters, looked at clouds outside the window, and once more picked up my book. Sadly, though lots of people came to the coffee shop, there was no one who would have known me. It was time to go. I wrote a note to Alan, expressing my regret at missing him, purchased one (or two) for the road, and set out for the long drive home.
Curiously few interruptions along the way. One somewhat uncanny experience as I was passing through Dallas. I was coming in from the north, and there was lightning flickering in the dark and looming clouds over the city. I saw vultures circling ahead. Suddenly, I had the most unnerving impression that the whole city was decayed. The words that impressed themselves into my mind were "this is a place made entirely of glass and bone." I **HAD** been intending to stop at a very nice restaurant I know to get some lunch before resuming my journey, but after that strange moment, I decided to skip through this town as quickly as possible, and get away from Dallas. Now, I must confess, having visionary experiences anywhere between the I-35/635 junction at the north and the I-35/I-30 junction to the south is very very unsafe. I don't recommend it to anybody, because it is likely to impair your driving while you are dealing with some very hazardous and badly constructed interchanges. I forced myself to put everything out of my head and think only about the large truck trying to force itself into my lane. But I was just as glad to be away from Dallas a little while later.
Seven hours after leaving OKC, I got back to my house. The grass needs mowing. It's going to rain, and apparently has already. It's good to be home.
It was something of an adventure. Not what I expected, but probably what was good for me. It also gave me long time to reflect on where I am going. There are some things I need to do, which I doubt I would have considered had I not lost those many hours on the road going up. So, all in all, I am grateful. I am very sorry to have missed seeing any of my friends though.
Alan, thank you for that wonderful coffee shop experience. It is just the sort of place I like. I hope your business prospers.
Saturday night, smoofie in hand and dog on leash, I went walking down 33rd street, going west. (A smoofie is a delicious combination of espresso and frozen yogurt, served only at Vintage Coffee, 940 NW 150th street, Oklahoma City, Oklahoma. The gentleman "Alan" whom I refer to owns this shop.) It was that time of twilight that I particularly love, when the sun is going down, storm clouds are rolling in, and night creatures are just deciding to wake up. Several people honked and waved at me on the road. Were they mistaking me for some acquaintance of theirs? Was is someone who actually knew me, honking to say hello? Or did they just think my dog was incredibly beautiful, and were saying hello to the dog? She is, by the way. No matter what their motives were, I smiled and waved back. Having walked as far as some elementary school, I threw away my empty smoofie cup in the trash, and started walking back to where I had left my car. I greeted the friendly guys working at Vintage coffee as they were closing up, put my dog in the back seat, and went driving back to my hotel. By the way, those guys really are fantastic, Alan. I'll bet everybody wishes they could get cheerful and competent help like that!
I had brought an altogether new book along with me, so I read myself to sleep, falling asleep quite early for me - 10:30 or thereabouts. Strange, unpleasant dreams, but we will refrain from recounting them here. It was nonetheless a very good night's rest.
The next day, after doing a few morning things, the sort of things one does on a Sunday morning, it now being 10 o' clock, I went to look for a place with long trails to walk. There is a large lake near Norman, with a convenient state park there. Perhaps it was raining just a little bit, but I didn't let that hold me back, nor did my hound let it hold her back. We went up and down the trails. I decided that she was a useless tracker, when she couldn't even find the two foot long snake a mere foot in front of her. Good thing it wasn't poisonous, or it would have bitten her when she sat on it. Eventually, I got bored of trails, and cut through the bracken to go deeper into the forest. Mind you, I was armed with lots of mosquito repellent, so they came all about me, but not one of them bit me. We found lots of pretty jelly fungi in the forest, an inquisitive squirrel, and an enterprising box turtle (a tortoise, actually) who refused to accept the fact that he was on somebody's endangered species list. My dog introduced herself to the tortoise by sticking her nose under its shell and flipping it over. I doubt the tortoise liked us very much, so I turned it over again, apologized to it, and took my dog away from there. Sitting on a stone picnic table, looking at the lake, a bluebird landed next to me, and took the food I offered. Remarkably tame bird, I thought. I hadn't even known that bluebirds lived in Oklahoma until yesterday!
Being covered with mud and somewhat cold, I drove way back to the north side of the city, bathed, went swimming, and combed the burrs out of my dog.
At that moment, I was struck by a bright idea: I had missed people the day before, but perhaps I could invite them out to dinner on Sunday night. The worst that could happen would be that everyone would decline! So I rousted out a phone book from my room, a somewhat old and tattered phone book. My first difficulty lay in the fact that there is neither a "Meems" nor a "Teffertoes" anywhere in the Greater Oklahoma City Metropolitan Area Phonebook. That part didn't surprise me very much, but fortunately, I happen to know both lovely young ladies' real names, in full. So I went looking for those. That's where the surprising snag was. According the the GOCMAPbook, they don't exist under their real names, either. That struck me as incredibly unjust. I will admit, sitting here now, in comfort and at leisure to consider the matter fully, the book was somewhat old, and probably was printed back in the days when neither of them lived in OKC. But my hypothesis at the time was, "deliberately choose to be unlisted; how unlucky for me." I saw no solution to it, so I threw up my hands. Having some time to kill, I had taken my dog to Oklahoma Christian U, just because they had a nice fountain that I had seen, and I wanted a place to read in peace. So, I read my book for a few more hours until dinner time, then went out hunting for a nice place to eat. The waiter looked really tired, told me he had been on shift for ten hours, and that lots of people were being awful. I told him he was doing a fine job, and should be commended for restraining his temper. Overall, I had a very good meal. Italian. I love Italian food.
I went to bed again, planning to be up very early and at the coffee shop for a few hours, just in case anyone else goes out for an early cup of coffee. It seemed unlikely, but more likely to meet someone I knew at Vintage Coffee than anywhere else, no? Anyways, if I didn't mention it before, the coffee is REALLY good there, and I like good coffee. I spoke to Alan's wife, whom I thought a very pleasant lady. She and the two people working the bar were making everyone who came in feel welcome. I penned off a couple of important letters, looked at clouds outside the window, and once more picked up my book. Sadly, though lots of people came to the coffee shop, there was no one who would have known me. It was time to go. I wrote a note to Alan, expressing my regret at missing him, purchased one (or two) for the road, and set out for the long drive home.
Curiously few interruptions along the way. One somewhat uncanny experience as I was passing through Dallas. I was coming in from the north, and there was lightning flickering in the dark and looming clouds over the city. I saw vultures circling ahead. Suddenly, I had the most unnerving impression that the whole city was decayed. The words that impressed themselves into my mind were "this is a place made entirely of glass and bone." I **HAD** been intending to stop at a very nice restaurant I know to get some lunch before resuming my journey, but after that strange moment, I decided to skip through this town as quickly as possible, and get away from Dallas. Now, I must confess, having visionary experiences anywhere between the I-35/635 junction at the north and the I-35/I-30 junction to the south is very very unsafe. I don't recommend it to anybody, because it is likely to impair your driving while you are dealing with some very hazardous and badly constructed interchanges. I forced myself to put everything out of my head and think only about the large truck trying to force itself into my lane. But I was just as glad to be away from Dallas a little while later.
Seven hours after leaving OKC, I got back to my house. The grass needs mowing. It's going to rain, and apparently has already. It's good to be home.
It was something of an adventure. Not what I expected, but probably what was good for me. It also gave me long time to reflect on where I am going. There are some things I need to do, which I doubt I would have considered had I not lost those many hours on the road going up. So, all in all, I am grateful. I am very sorry to have missed seeing any of my friends though.
Alan, thank you for that wonderful coffee shop experience. It is just the sort of place I like. I hope your business prospers.
The Adventures of Dr Urchin, part I
AN ACCOUNT OF MY DOINGS, for the benefit of my friends, and with apologies to two particulary beautiful young women
When I go out seeking adventure, I usually find it, though not in the form of whatever I was actually expecting. In this case, I was expecting to spend a lovely couple of days at Lake Eufala, Oklahoma, on Saturday popping by two join two particularly beautiful young women (see the title) at a certain coffee shop in Oklahoma. Mind you, it's not everyone I would drive several hundred miles out of my way to go see, but in this case I was very much looking forward to the meeting.
However - and it is appropriate to interject this comment at this point - God and I do not always see eye to eye about where I am going to be and when. No doubt it is due to this disagreement, and to the fact that He always happens to win any argument (He cheats), that I have never LIKED God very much, though I serve him gladly, and even with love.
It is normally only about a seven hour drive from here to Oklahoma City. I set out on my trip very early on Saturday morning intending to pass through Eufala first to secure my hotel reservations, and expected to be at OKC by about 4 in the afternoon. The delays began immediately. In fact, there was the most improbable series of misfortunes on the road, none being catastrophic, but each taking off another quarter of an hour. No need to recount them all. They were mostly aggravating and some a little bit humiliating, as they were the consequence of my own wrong turns. Suffice to say that I started to get really annoyed after a while, and didn't reach Eufala until 4pm. This had made what should have been a six hour drive into a ten hour drive. I suspected already that there was intelligence behind my setbacks, and was not overly pleased.
But the capper was when I went to get my hotel. The exchange went something like this:
"Hello, my name is Dr Urchin, and I believe I have a reservation." (In fact, I used my real name.)
"I'm sorry, sir, we have no one reserved here under that name."
"There must be some mistake. Here is my confirmation number."
"Thank you, sir, I will go check and be right back with you."
A moment or two passed, then the young lady and her manager returned, looking somewhat apologetic. The manager looked at me and said:
"I'm sorry, but this reservation is for our hotel in Eufala, ALABAMA."
I would like to say that my jaw hit the floor, or that I exploded in rage or something like that, but none of those things happened. You see, when crises occur, I go into the most peculiarly calm emotional state - nearly an absence of all emotion - and I consider things quite quickly and rationally in order to find a way to fix the problem. My thoughts were something like this. "This is a problem. How could this have happened? I clearly specified that I was after a hotel in Eufala Oklahoma! Stop. You will get angry. If you get angry at these people, they will not help you. Smile. Make yourself look friendly. Perhaps there is a room here anyways."
All that happened in less than a second. I said, "I am truly amazed. I thought I specified quite clearly that I wanted a hotel in Eufala, Oklahoma. Well, is there by any chance an available room that I can get without reservation?"
Looking quite apologetic, they said, "No, there is no room at all. If you like, we can see where the nearest branch of our hotel is which has an available room."
"Thank you," said I. "That would be very nice."
Time passed, more time passed, eventually they returned, and they said, "I am sorry but the nearest hotel in our chain which is not completely booked up is in Oklahoma City."
I reckoned up what this would mean to my plans. I saw that everything was doomed. I saw that I was going to be swept along in the whirlwind for a while. So, realizing that this was all some divine joke, I said, "Could you please then cancel the useless reservation in Eufala Alabama, and make me a reservation in Oklahoma City." Which they did. Another thirty minutes afterwards, I was on my way to OKC.
I got to my hotel on 122nd street on the north side of the city, reckoned that there was no chance anyone could possibly have waited this long, but still decided that I wanted some coffee. And hey! You never know: perhaps other people like an evening cup of coffee, too. It helps settle my nerves, it might do the same for others. So, following instructions that I copied from a thread here in this very forum, I went seeking Vintage Coffee, an especially good coffee shop located at 940 NW150th street, which some people describe as being "at the corner of 33rd street and Western." You see, they have the curious habit in Oklahoma of giving the same street more than one name, to make it harder for you to find the best coffee in the state. It's supposed to be a jealously guarded secret, but I have now told it to you...!
To be continued.
When I go out seeking adventure, I usually find it, though not in the form of whatever I was actually expecting. In this case, I was expecting to spend a lovely couple of days at Lake Eufala, Oklahoma, on Saturday popping by two join two particularly beautiful young women (see the title) at a certain coffee shop in Oklahoma. Mind you, it's not everyone I would drive several hundred miles out of my way to go see, but in this case I was very much looking forward to the meeting.
However - and it is appropriate to interject this comment at this point - God and I do not always see eye to eye about where I am going to be and when. No doubt it is due to this disagreement, and to the fact that He always happens to win any argument (He cheats), that I have never LIKED God very much, though I serve him gladly, and even with love.
It is normally only about a seven hour drive from here to Oklahoma City. I set out on my trip very early on Saturday morning intending to pass through Eufala first to secure my hotel reservations, and expected to be at OKC by about 4 in the afternoon. The delays began immediately. In fact, there was the most improbable series of misfortunes on the road, none being catastrophic, but each taking off another quarter of an hour. No need to recount them all. They were mostly aggravating and some a little bit humiliating, as they were the consequence of my own wrong turns. Suffice to say that I started to get really annoyed after a while, and didn't reach Eufala until 4pm. This had made what should have been a six hour drive into a ten hour drive. I suspected already that there was intelligence behind my setbacks, and was not overly pleased.
But the capper was when I went to get my hotel. The exchange went something like this:
"Hello, my name is Dr Urchin, and I believe I have a reservation." (In fact, I used my real name.)
"I'm sorry, sir, we have no one reserved here under that name."
"There must be some mistake. Here is my confirmation number."
"Thank you, sir, I will go check and be right back with you."
A moment or two passed, then the young lady and her manager returned, looking somewhat apologetic. The manager looked at me and said:
"I'm sorry, but this reservation is for our hotel in Eufala, ALABAMA."
I would like to say that my jaw hit the floor, or that I exploded in rage or something like that, but none of those things happened. You see, when crises occur, I go into the most peculiarly calm emotional state - nearly an absence of all emotion - and I consider things quite quickly and rationally in order to find a way to fix the problem. My thoughts were something like this. "This is a problem. How could this have happened? I clearly specified that I was after a hotel in Eufala Oklahoma! Stop. You will get angry. If you get angry at these people, they will not help you. Smile. Make yourself look friendly. Perhaps there is a room here anyways."
All that happened in less than a second. I said, "I am truly amazed. I thought I specified quite clearly that I wanted a hotel in Eufala, Oklahoma. Well, is there by any chance an available room that I can get without reservation?"
Looking quite apologetic, they said, "No, there is no room at all. If you like, we can see where the nearest branch of our hotel is which has an available room."
"Thank you," said I. "That would be very nice."
Time passed, more time passed, eventually they returned, and they said, "I am sorry but the nearest hotel in our chain which is not completely booked up is in Oklahoma City."
I reckoned up what this would mean to my plans. I saw that everything was doomed. I saw that I was going to be swept along in the whirlwind for a while. So, realizing that this was all some divine joke, I said, "Could you please then cancel the useless reservation in Eufala Alabama, and make me a reservation in Oklahoma City." Which they did. Another thirty minutes afterwards, I was on my way to OKC.
I got to my hotel on 122nd street on the north side of the city, reckoned that there was no chance anyone could possibly have waited this long, but still decided that I wanted some coffee. And hey! You never know: perhaps other people like an evening cup of coffee, too. It helps settle my nerves, it might do the same for others. So, following instructions that I copied from a thread here in this very forum, I went seeking Vintage Coffee, an especially good coffee shop located at 940 NW150th street, which some people describe as being "at the corner of 33rd street and Western." You see, they have the curious habit in Oklahoma of giving the same street more than one name, to make it harder for you to find the best coffee in the state. It's supposed to be a jealously guarded secret, but I have now told it to you...!
To be continued.
Thursday, May 24, 2007
First thought: about education. Somebody asked me if I really am cruel to my students and if my attitude is what makes them be depressed. An unfair question, in my opinion. It's not one question you see.
I am NOT cruel to my students. I don't ask them to do anything unreasonable, and I don't fail them on a whim. They sign up with me to learn chemistry, and by Heaven, I expect them to learn CHEMISTRY in my class. I give large amounts of homework, mostly in the form of "drill." If you don't do a thing again and again and again, you don't get good at it. I had to "drill" quite a bit to get the knack of giving good lectures, but I flatter myself that I do a fairly good job at it these days. If they want to learn how the Ideal Gas Law (PV = nRT) works, or exactly what enthalpy as a state function means, then they are going to have to work with it again and again and again. Then, they are going to have to learn how to do it right in the lab, when I ask them to transmute one substance into another. This is harsh, I know, but it is not unfair, nor capricious, nor cruel. Some day, a person's life or livelihood might hinge upon them understanding that sodium hydroxide is the same thing as lye, and that they can make soap out of it and some nice pork fat.
Does my attitude cause depression? Most of my students have ADHD. In fact, I think most people do. Medication just seems to suppress their talent, without curing the problem. The one thing that really helps is to keep people busy, so that they don't have time to get bored. And yes, they suffer depression at first, then exhiliration afterwards when they achieve the impossible. That's a very nice moment, when you realize that you have just done something that certainly could not have been done. Depression comes and goes, but it is followed by the highest pitch of excitement and joy. And my attitude has absolutely nothing to do with it, I think. Oh, and ADHD isn't exactly a "problem," but rather a potential to do some really impressive stuff.
It's a moral task, being a teacher. You are asked by God to help people become as excellent as you can. I rather like my job. :)
I am NOT cruel to my students. I don't ask them to do anything unreasonable, and I don't fail them on a whim. They sign up with me to learn chemistry, and by Heaven, I expect them to learn CHEMISTRY in my class. I give large amounts of homework, mostly in the form of "drill." If you don't do a thing again and again and again, you don't get good at it. I had to "drill" quite a bit to get the knack of giving good lectures, but I flatter myself that I do a fairly good job at it these days. If they want to learn how the Ideal Gas Law (PV = nRT) works, or exactly what enthalpy as a state function means, then they are going to have to work with it again and again and again. Then, they are going to have to learn how to do it right in the lab, when I ask them to transmute one substance into another. This is harsh, I know, but it is not unfair, nor capricious, nor cruel. Some day, a person's life or livelihood might hinge upon them understanding that sodium hydroxide is the same thing as lye, and that they can make soap out of it and some nice pork fat.
Does my attitude cause depression? Most of my students have ADHD. In fact, I think most people do. Medication just seems to suppress their talent, without curing the problem. The one thing that really helps is to keep people busy, so that they don't have time to get bored. And yes, they suffer depression at first, then exhiliration afterwards when they achieve the impossible. That's a very nice moment, when you realize that you have just done something that certainly could not have been done. Depression comes and goes, but it is followed by the highest pitch of excitement and joy. And my attitude has absolutely nothing to do with it, I think. Oh, and ADHD isn't exactly a "problem," but rather a potential to do some really impressive stuff.
It's a moral task, being a teacher. You are asked by God to help people become as excellent as you can. I rather like my job. :)
Welcome Back, Dr Urchin
Since Google saw fit to cut my access to my old blog, when they purchased "blogspot", I am starting here again, after an absence of many months.
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