Cashing in on the Green Movement

I was thinking to myself about all the ways that people should be paying me so that they can be more environmentally conscious. That's right: I am more morally worthy than anyone else, and therefore I should be paid for it. I heard some person from TV telling me the same thing about herself, and in America we are all equal. Therefore, if she is more morally worthy, then I must be more morally worthy too!

But your head will hurt if you think too much about that logic. So don't think. Send me money instead.

For every $100 you send me, I will go plant a tree, and will name it after you. I will let you choose whether the tree I have named after you will be a walnut, a pecan, a maple, an alder, an oak, or a pine tree. Then you will feel very good about yourself, and your tree will grow happily. And the world will be a clean and bright place because of your tree. Upon request, I will send you a picture of your tree, provided you pay a nominal photo fee of $10.

And... to encourage you to remain committed to the environment, after twenty years, I will chop down your tree and sell it to the local lumber company here, unless you pay me another $100. If you pay me that fee, I will let your tree continue to be happy and to save the world as the air grows clean and pure near this tree. Heck, if you pay me $150, not only will I spare your tree, but I will plant a second one and name it after you.

Just remember though, if you aren't committed to the environment, a tree will die. And it will curse your name as it comes crashing to the ground. And YOU will be responsible for the pollution your tree causes in its death agony.

So send me money now, and we will get to saving the world right away!

Warmest regards,
Dr Urchin
Professional Environmentalist Entrepreneur