The Virtue of a Garden

My excellent father, Dr. Deacon, has reminded me that I left off an important environmental tip. You should plant a garden! I cannot believe I forgot this one. The early frost this year has killed all my potted plants, and destroyed my contribution to saving the environment, alas, but a garden would have survived. Heck, if I had planted a garden, there probably wouldn't have been an early frost this year. It's my fault that the world is warming so much that a frost came two weeks before normal to the Deep South. I am sorry.

About that garden... To save the world, we should plant gardens and stop buying vegetables from the supermarket. They are grown on large plantations tended by wage-slaves called illegals. That's right. I hate illegal aliens. They are the biggest cause of global warming. (Editor, remember to take that out later. It doesn't fit the narrative my masters want me to tell.) These plantation vegetables require twenty times the water that your home garden will use, and take water away from the environmentally necessary ethanol poduction we so despearately need. Garden vegetables do not require much chemical treatment, such as bug killers and fungi killers, as they are not seriously affected by mealy bugs or potato bugs or aphids or locusts or cut-worms or visiting turtles and dogs and deer. And the deer that do come can be shot and surreptitiously hidden in the freezer for later consumption to cut down the cost of meat from the butcher, which itself has been grown in cow and pig gulags where the slaves are killed hoorrribly by knocking on the head. And worse is yet to come! They are then skinned all bloody and diwsmembered and cut to bits and finally, eaten by savages. Think responsibly! Your garden could prevent this genocide.

Also, a garden is a good way to teach your children responsibility and ambition, as they work for hours weeding and digging and carrying water to the dear little plants. Then they learn the virtues of eating vegetables like broccoli and turnips and beets and carrots --if they have not been checking the growth of the carrots daily by pulling them up to see how big they have grown -- and also home-grown tomatoes, green and fried if possible , and even sorghum, which of course you grew up thinking it sugar cane, because evil corporations lied to you and said that the tall sweet grass growing in America was sugar cane. This is proof that they hate the environment, and are more evil than Halliburton. Heck, they probably ARE Halliburton. And that sugar you buy at the store would never be as good as the real thing sucked from a cane from your own garden, would it?

And what of the opportunities to teachlove and forgiveness as one of the children hits the other on the head with the shovel? or you hit him in return? Christians should all be planting gardens!

The possibilites for gardening and increased environmental awareness are limitless. Thank you, thank you, Dr. Deacon, for teaching me this lesson on Earth-saving! Can people still send me money, though? I think they should...