It's only occasionally these days that I fall totally flat while teaching. I did yesterday, though. My trouble yesterday was that I came armed with copious notes, but I didn't have a single coherent thesis for my class. Without that organizing principle for everything else, the information I was trying to convey was totally incomprehensible. Things that students should have been able to remember from the past were beyond the grasp of their memories, and that made it harder for me, I admit. However, the value of a good thesis is that it help pull back memories by giving them something to latch onto.
Remember this, teachers: have a THESIS for your class lectures. Otherwise, you will just be rambling, and no one will want to listen to you.
Tuesday, November 13, 2007
Wednesday, November 7, 2007
The Virtue of a Garden
My excellent father, Dr. Deacon, has reminded me that I left off an important environmental tip. You should plant a garden! I cannot believe I forgot this one. The early frost this year has killed all my potted plants, and destroyed my contribution to saving the environment, alas, but a garden would have survived. Heck, if I had planted a garden, there probably wouldn't have been an early frost this year. It's my fault that the world is warming so much that a frost came two weeks before normal to the Deep South. I am sorry.
About that garden... To save the world, we should plant gardens and stop buying vegetables from the supermarket. They are grown on large plantations tended by wage-slaves called illegals. That's right. I hate illegal aliens. They are the biggest cause of global warming. (Editor, remember to take that out later. It doesn't fit the narrative my masters want me to tell.) These plantation vegetables require twenty times the water that your home garden will use, and take water away from the environmentally necessary ethanol poduction we so despearately need. Garden vegetables do not require much chemical treatment, such as bug killers and fungi killers, as they are not seriously affected by mealy bugs or potato bugs or aphids or locusts or cut-worms or visiting turtles and dogs and deer. And the deer that do come can be shot and surreptitiously hidden in the freezer for later consumption to cut down the cost of meat from the butcher, which itself has been grown in cow and pig gulags where the slaves are killed hoorrribly by knocking on the head. And worse is yet to come! They are then skinned all bloody and diwsmembered and cut to bits and finally, eaten by savages. Think responsibly! Your garden could prevent this genocide.
Also, a garden is a good way to teach your children responsibility and ambition, as they work for hours weeding and digging and carrying water to the dear little plants. Then they learn the virtues of eating vegetables like broccoli and turnips and beets and carrots --if they have not been checking the growth of the carrots daily by pulling them up to see how big they have grown -- and also home-grown tomatoes, green and fried if possible , and even sorghum, which of course you grew up thinking it sugar cane, because evil corporations lied to you and said that the tall sweet grass growing in America was sugar cane. This is proof that they hate the environment, and are more evil than Halliburton. Heck, they probably ARE Halliburton. And that sugar you buy at the store would never be as good as the real thing sucked from a cane from your own garden, would it?
And what of the opportunities to teachlove and forgiveness as one of the children hits the other on the head with the shovel? or you hit him in return? Christians should all be planting gardens!
The possibilites for gardening and increased environmental awareness are limitless. Thank you, thank you, Dr. Deacon, for teaching me this lesson on Earth-saving! Can people still send me money, though? I think they should...
About that garden... To save the world, we should plant gardens and stop buying vegetables from the supermarket. They are grown on large plantations tended by wage-slaves called illegals. That's right. I hate illegal aliens. They are the biggest cause of global warming. (Editor, remember to take that out later. It doesn't fit the narrative my masters want me to tell.) These plantation vegetables require twenty times the water that your home garden will use, and take water away from the environmentally necessary ethanol poduction we so despearately need. Garden vegetables do not require much chemical treatment, such as bug killers and fungi killers, as they are not seriously affected by mealy bugs or potato bugs or aphids or locusts or cut-worms or visiting turtles and dogs and deer. And the deer that do come can be shot and surreptitiously hidden in the freezer for later consumption to cut down the cost of meat from the butcher, which itself has been grown in cow and pig gulags where the slaves are killed hoorrribly by knocking on the head. And worse is yet to come! They are then skinned all bloody and diwsmembered and cut to bits and finally, eaten by savages. Think responsibly! Your garden could prevent this genocide.
Also, a garden is a good way to teach your children responsibility and ambition, as they work for hours weeding and digging and carrying water to the dear little plants. Then they learn the virtues of eating vegetables like broccoli and turnips and beets and carrots --if they have not been checking the growth of the carrots daily by pulling them up to see how big they have grown -- and also home-grown tomatoes, green and fried if possible , and even sorghum, which of course you grew up thinking it sugar cane, because evil corporations lied to you and said that the tall sweet grass growing in America was sugar cane. This is proof that they hate the environment, and are more evil than Halliburton. Heck, they probably ARE Halliburton. And that sugar you buy at the store would never be as good as the real thing sucked from a cane from your own garden, would it?
And what of the opportunities to teachlove and forgiveness as one of the children hits the other on the head with the shovel? or you hit him in return? Christians should all be planting gardens!
The possibilites for gardening and increased environmental awareness are limitless. Thank you, thank you, Dr. Deacon, for teaching me this lesson on Earth-saving! Can people still send me money, though? I think they should...
Monday, November 5, 2007
Cashing in on the Green Movement
I was thinking to myself about all the ways that people should be paying me so that they can be more environmentally conscious. That's right: I am more morally worthy than anyone else, and therefore I should be paid for it. I heard some person from TV telling me the same thing about herself, and in America we are all equal. Therefore, if she is more morally worthy, then I must be more morally worthy too!
But your head will hurt if you think too much about that logic. So don't think. Send me money instead.
For every $100 you send me, I will go plant a tree, and will name it after you. I will let you choose whether the tree I have named after you will be a walnut, a pecan, a maple, an alder, an oak, or a pine tree. Then you will feel very good about yourself, and your tree will grow happily. And the world will be a clean and bright place because of your tree. Upon request, I will send you a picture of your tree, provided you pay a nominal photo fee of $10.
And... to encourage you to remain committed to the environment, after twenty years, I will chop down your tree and sell it to the local lumber company here, unless you pay me another $100. If you pay me that fee, I will let your tree continue to be happy and to save the world as the air grows clean and pure near this tree. Heck, if you pay me $150, not only will I spare your tree, but I will plant a second one and name it after you.
Just remember though, if you aren't committed to the environment, a tree will die. And it will curse your name as it comes crashing to the ground. And YOU will be responsible for the pollution your tree causes in its death agony.
So send me money now, and we will get to saving the world right away!
Warmest regards,
Dr Urchin
Professional Environmentalist Entrepreneur
But your head will hurt if you think too much about that logic. So don't think. Send me money instead.
For every $100 you send me, I will go plant a tree, and will name it after you. I will let you choose whether the tree I have named after you will be a walnut, a pecan, a maple, an alder, an oak, or a pine tree. Then you will feel very good about yourself, and your tree will grow happily. And the world will be a clean and bright place because of your tree. Upon request, I will send you a picture of your tree, provided you pay a nominal photo fee of $10.
And... to encourage you to remain committed to the environment, after twenty years, I will chop down your tree and sell it to the local lumber company here, unless you pay me another $100. If you pay me that fee, I will let your tree continue to be happy and to save the world as the air grows clean and pure near this tree. Heck, if you pay me $150, not only will I spare your tree, but I will plant a second one and name it after you.
Just remember though, if you aren't committed to the environment, a tree will die. And it will curse your name as it comes crashing to the ground. And YOU will be responsible for the pollution your tree causes in its death agony.
So send me money now, and we will get to saving the world right away!
Warmest regards,
Dr Urchin
Professional Environmentalist Entrepreneur
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